I’m in a deep funk lately. Not sure exactly what caused the funk, but I believe it stems from a series of the following events:
- Hubby went out of town (i.e. chaoes)
- then I went out of town (i.e. more chaos)
- my out-of-townness was to attend the Hearts at Home conference (basically a conference for moms – yeah, I didn’t know these existed either)
- at the conference, I started a series of thoughts that have lead to an all-out existential crisis of who am I, what do I believe, do I even know what the fuck I’m doing anymore, etc., etc.
(don’t get me wrong, the conference was a wonderful, wonderful experience, and very thought-provoking. Maybe too thought-provoking, which is why the crisis occured).
- I got sick, and am still sick, although now I think it’s just nasty allergies, which means I will miserable until, oh, July.
- because of said events, the house is a mess, and I can’t ignore it.
- I took a job adjuncting this fall at hubby’s community college, and the thought of going back to work (even if it’s only for this one class one night a week) terrifies me. The thought of once again balancing two working parents terrifies me. The thought of lesson planning terrifies me.
- I re-did our budget tonight and realized that I probably do need to work at least sometimes, and that we’re still broke. The thought that I almost didn’t take the class terrifies me.
I think that last one put the nail in the coffin. Do not, repeat, do not attempt to budget while in a funk. No budgeting while funking.
So I’m not really sure what the point of telling the blogosphere all this is. I’m not going to know talk about how wonderful my life really is, and how blessed I am, and how the funk is just a journey. You know all that already. I know know all that already. I don’t need to go down that road. I just want to bitch and complain about the general state of things, thank you very much. I think the funk is starting to subside somewhat, though. I mean, I actually did the dishes AND showered tonight.
And to top it all off, Frankie ripped the backspace button off my laptop, and now I have to push on the little nubbin every time I make a typing error, and in doing so, I’ve realized that I’m really not as good a typist as I thought I was. Leave it to toddlers to humble us all.